


Lullaby

by Pinx_B



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime)
Genre: F/F, Introspection, Light Angst, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinx_B/pseuds/Pinx_B
Summary: Reeling from her argument with Kasumi, Saaya barricades herself within her mind as Tae attempts to guide her away from her treacherous thoughts..
Relationships: Hanazono Tae/Yamabuki Saaya
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Lullaby

* * *

Saaya could not sleep, could not switch off her mind and the array of thoughts hovering around her like a putrid stench.

She couldn't breath, staring up at her ceiling, feeling like it was about to collapse on her.

The darkness of her bedroom did little to comfort her from her betraying contemplation as the altercation with Kasumi had undone everything she had tried to conceal from the year prior.

She couldn't afford the luxury of joining the band.

She felt like she didn't deserve it.

It was her atonement for abandoning her mother and siblings when they needed her the most.

Saaya _should_ have known.

She should have been perceptive to her mother's ailment regardless of her own fragile age.

It was _her_ responsibility.

This was what Saaya believed and she made it her mantra in a bid to ensure such an event never occurred again.

The girl had long disbanded any selfish (normal) desires and dreams that others had. 

Her family came first and she was content with that, giving them her implicit devotion. 

Yet, the stream of tears bubbling at the surface of her corneas continued to pool as they slid down the side of her face. She kept her sobs stifled, hidden, not wanting to alert her family or worry them further. 

She didn't want to be a burden.

Kasumi's grief-stricken face was haunting her as it was, that adamant spark refusing to die down, refusing to give up on Saaya.

As much as she loved Kasumi's vigour during every other occasion, the brunette detested it at that very moment because it simply led to her having to let Kasumi down.

Saaya didn't want to disappoint anyone else in her life; she hoped it'd resonate with Kasumi one day and that the girl would forgive her.

Tae, Arisa and Rimi too, she hoped they could forgive her.

A buzzing from her phone next to her brought Saaya out from her self deprecating tirade.

It wasn't the first alert of the night, it wouldn't be the first she ignored.

The sound so incessant, ringing in her ears to remind her of her own failures, forever transcribed in history now, like a manor in a secluded forest that didn't flow with time. 

She couldn't bear to read or hear the disappointment in the sugar coated words of her friends, the sound of eggshells being crushed despite being carefully walked around ingrained into her mind.

Saaya didn't need to be smothered in false smiles and feigned reassurances of her not being an inconvenience.

 _I am an inconvenience_. 

They could find someone more reliable. 

_I'll only end up letting them down._

She repeated these belittling sentiments like a broken record till she could believe it, which propelled the girl into an inexorable decline internally whilst doting on those around her. 

But Saaya knew it was never the case, none of these statements were true, though it was a thought she'd forced herself to suffocate in.

For the good of everyone else.

Always for everyone else, never for herself.

The buzzing persistent.

It was the longest attempt to contact her yet.

The most like culprit was Tae.

Saaya just knew it was the ever perspicacious girl who could read everyone like an open book despite seeming elsewhere, her sapient nature surrounded with an air of aloofness. 

Tae _scared_ her.

Because Saaya knew she'd succumb to the girl's compassionate concern. Tae was the one who left her home with a smile so honest, so subtle yet understanding, but that smile was loaded with an abundance of messages that Saaya could decipher.

She hated that she could figure out the lead guitarist better than the others could because right now, it hurt.

It burrowed into Saaya's heart that Tae wouldn't leave her alone and she would just end up wasting her energy when she could be asleep, or tending to her rabbits or anything that was worth her time.

The infernal vibrations of her phone wouldn't cease so Saaya grabbed it, aggression in her movements as she hit the answer button and brought it to her ear.

 _Please, just leave me alone_.

Her voice was raw, broken and slightly parched from the argument.

It came out rough with exertion laced over each syllable.

Tae did not like such a tone coming from Saaya but she didn't relent, didn't speak as Saaya's pained sobs filled in the silence.

She hadn't called with the intention of verbally communicating with the brunette, knowing that words were futile right now. Saaya didn't need to hear anymore pleas or praise because what she needed at that moment was simply the presence of someone who could just _listen_. 

Just be there without actually being there. 

Tae understood this as clearly as the depth often found in Saaya's light eyes. 

So she said nothing other than a fleeting echo of saying Saaya's name as a confirmation that she would remain with her and that she wasn't going to hang up. 

_Saaya_. 

The brunette's eyes slammed shut at the sheer comfort just hearing her name flutter out of Tae's mouth conjured in her, her tone loaded with consideration, not judgment or pity or aversion. 

Hand tightening around her phone, Saaya listened as Tae took in a quick breath. 

She started to hum something with a mellifluous undertone. 

A tune that was light yet captivating due to Tae's virtuoso voice. 

Saaya stopped and silenced herself as she heard the sonorous melody seeping in from the speaker of the phone, infusing itself with her heartbeat. She'd flipped over to lay on her side as her vibrant blue eyes widened at what she was hearing. 

Tae didn't have to speak as the tranquil lull of her voice was enough to write a novel's worth of solace without needing to utter a single letter. 

Music itself was a language of its own, Saaya was aware of this. 

She'd felt her hands inscribe emotions with each connection of her drumsticks to the surface of her drum set. 

The range of dulcet sounds procured by her precise playing laid a foundation for the other instruments to follow, like every beat was leading them. It provided them with the notes and the directions needed to create a balance between their sounds. 

It was a joy she'd never forgotten and it was being coaxed out again by every member of Poppin'Party. 

Saaya listened intently as Tae's humming continued to serenade her from the inside, making her heart calm down as her eyes became heavy. 

She wondered whether the melody was that of the new song she had yet to listen to but couldn't bring herself delete. 

If so, it was beautiful yet sombre. 

Tae's tone was suited for it and she imagined Kasumi's vocals accompanying her to create something uplifting, like being able to catch stars with the support of those around them which appeared to be the core message of the band. 

Attaining the unreachable star beat with those you treasured the most. 

The brunette could say for a fact that she could understand the sentiments and _why_ she had grown an attachment to the group, to Tae.

Investing her time into the friendship was natural and the dedication to the band without being an actual member appeared just as easily. 

However, she just couldn't undo the locks she had placed on herself, not yet. 

Saaya was overwhelmed with the feelings of responsibility, inadequacy and concern. 

But Tae wasn't rushing her, nor were Kasumi or Arisa or Rimi. 

They'd wait for her as long as need be.

It was something that was being conveyed through the slumbering lilt of Tae's voice as she continued to hum to Saaya affectionately.

The brunette could feel her eyes drooping whilst her breathing relaxed steadily. Her phone was just about in her grip still, the fatigue and exhaustion of the last few days finally being put to bed, much like herself and she appreciated Tae's sharp insight. 

She wondered where Tae was in her home whilst giving up her time to console her. The imagery of the guitarist propped up on the balcony, her instrument in one hand and the phone in the other came to mind. Her esoteric eyes would be glancing out to sky, filled with that silent emotion and curiosity as she listened to Saaya's breathing. 

It was quite the mesmeric imagery to conjure up. 

Saaya wanted to verbally thank the girl but she couldn't reach into her strength to vocalise it but she had a feeling Tae knew what she was thinking. Instead, she exhaled softly, albeit shakily, as she allowed the melody of Poppin'Party's song to sooth her. 

_O-Tae..thank you_.

There would be time to process what had occurred, time to perhaps change her mind. 

She didn't need to know the answer right at that point. 

All Saaya required was Tae with her the way she was, her presence transcending into her room with each hum. 

Soon enough, the tears halted, as did the cluster of thoughts parading around Saaya's conscious where they weren't welcome. Her hand slacked and her phone deposited itself onto her bed, just below her chin as sleep finally found her. 

It enveloped Saaya in the way Tae's arms had done so previously, securing her and keeping her grounded. 

For now, she could drift off, tomorrow's apprehension being postponed. 

At the Hanazono residence, Tae smiled as she pet Oddie affectionately behind an ear whilst listening to Saaya's steady breathing. She was relieved that it was enough, that Saaya didn't hang up on her the moment she picked up. 

Hearing Saaya and Kasumi arguing resonated throughout Tae's mind and watching their leader scribble out lyrics that were composed out of the rawest depths of her heart left an impression. 

She would do what she could to support the brunette through this tumultuous time in her life in the way Tae knew best. 

Observing Saaya, just like she had done since she had the pleasure of being introduced to the group by Kasumi. 

Saaya was a master of concealing her innermost thoughts but so was Tae, and she was going to utilise what she knew about hiding away in an effort to let Saaya know that it was okay to lean on someone, to lean on _her_. 

So far, her efforts had chipped away at some of the metal bindings which were wound around Saaya's being. 

Each soft breath was one filled with relief and Tae could imagine Saaya laying on her bed, her beguiling face glimmering under the moonlight as a trail of dried tears remained on her cheeks. Her knees were most likely curled up against her chest, a position of vulnerability whilst trying to protect herself and the mental image being painted in Tae's minded made her tremble. 

She hoped that Saaya would sleep well, feel at ease and know that she wasn't alone. 

The burdens of her life could be evenly distributed, that was the kind of support Saaya had without realising it. 

Tae was sure Oddie would help Saaya too, a question she asked and the rabbit squirmed in her lap. 

She took that as a form of agreement before letting the pet go to join the rest that were awake in the garden. Tae remained seated at the patio and didn't hang up, savouring in the peaceful silence that was radiating from Saaya's breathing as she too, found it remarkably soothing. 

The guitarist wasn't sure what was going to happen the following day as the preparation for the festival continued its pace but she wasn't worried, she had a feeling that Saaya and Kasumi would figure things out despite their fustigated encounter with each other. 

All she could do right now was support Saaya in the way she required it which was at a distance, at least until she came to the realisation that she wasn't going to give up on her. 

Not in terms of joining the band, not in terms of becoming something more. 

Tae glanced up at the night sky, watching the multitude of orbs sparkling in different cadences, each one vividly pulsing against the dark canvass. 

It was endless and infinite, similarly to her affection for the drummer. 

Their future may be obscure and unpredictable but nothing was out of their reach. 

Tae became enraptured in the landscape, her eyes shifting towards the direction of the Yamabuki bakery where Saaya was still sound asleep. 

Content with leaving the brunette to rest, Tae waited a few more seconds, finishing the last of the hum with a canorous whisper before hanging up. 

_Goodnight, Saaya._

They'd figure it out together. 


End file.
